The last four and a half months flew by. We are now a trained team, having been tested in training grounds across California on a variety of missions from convoy operations to infantry patrolling. The team roster will not change anymore (finally, we have Buddha, our Corpsman!), the location is set, all our bags are packed. As I write this, the rest of the Civil Affairs Detachment says their goodbyes to loved ones and friends, and pretends not to be too excited about the challenges lying in wait.
Our final weeks were accompanied by massive personal upheaval. The tectonic plates of my world shifted radically and I have reacted as best I could. I owe more than I can ever say to my family, who accepted my retreat into their embrace wordlessly and gratefully. No one could ever be more aware of their support system than I have been recently. Everyone contributed in their own way, and in each instance it was exactly what I needed.
Oddly enough, a simile relates my experience better than describing individual events. To me, the impending deployment was like a huge stone wall. It drew closer and closer, and my vision seemed to be restricted a little each day. The narrowing space pressed on me - emotions gain a new sense of urgency and threaten to sweep the comfortable world away. My anxiety never grew, however, as wave upon wave of individuals appeared to soothe my concerns and retreat quietly. Much has been given to me in this state, and I know who I owe.
This new vulnerability mixes strangely with my professional confidence. While recognizing the stresses inherent in our mission, a young(ish) man can't help but feel invigorated by the same knowledge - I am possessed by the blending of so much I value in my life into a vibrant seven-month strand. The task left to me is suppress the ego and allow my training and openness to suggest the correct course of action. What I mean to say is I will try to create the space for good to develop around me, and this concept has been applied when I return.
I think I'm spent. All that's left now is to negotiate the steepest learning curve of my life with the help of a few good men.
P.S. If you're interested in a more emo send-off, please see my blog post Saying Goodbye from last deployment. The specifics are no longer relevant but the substance remains the same.
